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  • By Carly Banner
  • 2019-05-05 | May 05, 2019
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Tales of High Moms Because moms get faded too - and it’s usually really funny.

When it comes to mothers and their feelings about their children using cannabis, reactions may vary. There are those who would be horrified to learn that their baby ever partook in the devil’s lettuce, those who know their kid smokes but don’t want to hear about it, and the ones who will talk THC all day but don’t partake. And then there are the illustrious weed moms, the ones who will see you light up and say “hey, pass that over here.” Of course Mother’s Day is a celebration of all mothers, regardless of their cannabis comfort. But today we’d like to give a special shoutout to the weed moms in our lives and recount some tales of their journeys with mary jane. All names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the uncomfortably high.

First is the tale of Budley and her mom Doobra. Budley’s family took a trip to Boulder, excited for the great weather, excellent hiking, and of course, the legal marijuana. When they began to smoke for the first time that trip, Budley’s parents immediately remarked that this stuff was much stronger than what they used to smoke in college, and laughed about how it had been decades since they’d consumed cannabis at all. Doobra stopped after two hits, but the damage was done. She began to repeat that she felt weird, and ask if she was ok in a panicked voice. Budley recognized the direction this was going, so she embarked on the supremely weird mission of talking her mom down from a bad trip. She offered the usual reassurances that everything was ok, Doobra was safe, and she just needed to go with the flow. Of course as soon as she sobered up Doobra insisted no such freak out had happened, and to this day Budley lets Doobra believe that’s true.

Next up is the tale of McKusha and her mom Flowerina. When McKusha was growing up, Flowerina was a super chill mom. She told McKusha’s brother that he could smoke weed in the house as long as he didn’t smoke cigarettes, an offer the young man was understandably eager to accept. McKusha’s brother went all out, growing plants in his room and investing in a volcano vaporizer. One evening, he decided to make edibles, and Flowerina helped him prepare some cannabutter and bake it into chocolate chip cookies. The cookies came out bright green, suggesting more potency than your average homemade special brownie. For some reason, although Flowerina hadn’t consumed cannabis at all since her younger days, she decided tonight was the night and scarfed a whole cookie. Unfortunately when that edible hit, it hit hard, and poor Flowerina came down with the dreaded green sickness. She set up camp with pillows and blankets by the toilet and was sick the whole evening and late into the night. After that night Flowerina swore off cannabis...at least until she retires.

Edibles can be tricky. Spliffton learned that lesson the first time his parents visited him in Austin. He decided to pull out all the stops and cook an elaborate and delicious short rib pasta. He made the sauce from scratch and included some cannabis-infused coconut oil to really make it a next level dining experience. Everyone chowed down and thoroughly enjoyed their meal - and promptly passed out by 8 pm. The real surprise came the next morning when they all woke up to find Spliffton’s apartment looking like a disaster zone. It was the most out of control mess they had ever seen. For some reason that pasta sauce Spliffton had worked so hard on was now smeared all over the walls. No one had a clue what had happened between eating and falling asleep, but Spliffton assumes it was a fully baked good time.

Hazel wasn’t there to witness this particular story about her mom, Vapenessa, but she heard all about it later. To set the scene, it’s important to understand the kind of person Vapenessa is. She’s a classic type A personality who’s always organized and put together and has an encyclopedic knowledge of the birthdays, phone numbers, and food allergies of everyone in her life. One night she was at a concert with some coworkers when she began to smell something funny. She turned around to investigate, and the smokers in the row behind her giggled and offered some of their weed to Vapenessa. Without missing a beat, Vapenessa took a hit like a pro and turned to share with her friends. It was at that moment Vapenessa remembered she was out with her coworkers who knew a very no-nonsense version of her that didn’t square with casually passing a joint at a concert. Vapenessa turned white with panic, but everyone laughed, delighted to discover this new side of straight laced Vapenessa.

When Broccolini was young, her mom Spliffanie took getting lit to a whole new level. It was a quiet evening at home and Spliffanie had a nice toke in her room before letting the dogs (they had 5 chihuahuas) out for the last time that night. One of the dogs took a little longer than usual to come back inside, but Spliffanie didn’t think anything of it. A little while later, she started to smell something burning. She went to check if she’d left her spliff lit, but she hadn’t. She searched all around the house, but try as she might, she couldn’t find the source of that burning smell. Finally she decided to get all the kids and dogs out of the house and to call the fire department. They watched from a neighbor’s house as firefighters entered their house and immediately came out laughing, and Broccolini noticed that the dog she was holding had that same burning smell. As it turned out, the dog had gotten skunked, and Spliffanie was too high to tell the difference between a fire and a fresh skunk attack. Luckily the firefighters thought the whole thing was funny, but that didn’t stop them from putting a blurb about it in the local newspaper the next day.

Everyone’s relationship with their mom is different, but often as we grow older we begin to see our mothers as their own people with quirks and flaws rather than the infallible caregivers of our childhood. And few things are more humanizing than seeing your mom get blazed out of her mind. So this month let’s celebrate all moms, 420 friendly and otherwise, and remember that they also need to cut loose and have fun sometimes. And if you ever get the chance to light up with your mom, just remember, moderation is key and green cookies can be dangerous.

Do you have any funny stories about your mom consuming cannabis? Share them in the comments below!

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